Tag: Mental health

One Word at a Time

by Shell DeToni, posted in Poetry

Serenity

I honestly love you, and as such is why sorrow consumes my heart.

Eyes once foretold a wondrous life, left only to be forgotten and alone.

Hand’s strong as iron shattered the sturdiest of bridges, rubble litters our course.

Happily I would have died with you, instead dying by cause of you.

To age and wither in each other’s arms, lost in abandonment with only your ghost.

Buried alive it seems, or to walk the earth a soulless shell.

Same, same whichever way the puzzle fits into the grand scheme of things.

Funny pretenders warm elegance graces lascivious, any more oppressed depravity reeks.

Fitting together like innocence, doomed as ostensibly a virgins gown is placed upon her coffin.

Immortal are those who truly are loved, with whole hearts without question.

In possession of a smile once.

Long, long ago.

Drowning in an untamable sea of loneliness at contentment’s edge, grasping at nothing.

Rays of hope the sun sends at times, erasing blurred edges of insanity.

Serenity wraps a blanket of tenderness, harnessing all of the pieces of a broken heart.

Found only by worthiness, than append if not lost forever.

If only ears would hear, pleas would not go unnoticed deafened by the scornful wind.

One word at a time, until notice from a real love.

Death, Your an Ass

by Shell DeToni, posted in Non-fiction, Rants & Raves
Grim Reaper (advertisement)
Grim Reaper (advertisement) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Circumstance allows very few people to live here in this dimension as anchors for others. These individuals hold down some of us so we don’t lose it and go completely insane. But what are we supposed to do when those we’re bonded to are no longer among us? What are we to do as they leave this plane of existence to join the all mighty in celebration of their corporeal departure?

I’ve been told that death should be celebrated as a wonderful gift bestowed upon the deceased as they are rejoicing in heaven held in Jesus arms. Comforted for all eternity and never to contend with disappointment or heartache again. Although this statement makes total and complete sense, every fiber of my being screams in pain at the notion of losing this one person. Someone who I have always been destined to lose, yet I cannot bear the thought of her no longer being in my life.

Corcovado jesus
Corcovado jesus (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

The thought alone is agony as my apprehension tortures me when rational assumptions are provoked. So much affliction to endure and it’s all because of the inevitable. I know this. I understand this. And as much as this way of thinking pains me, I find that I would never wish to allot this agony on any other living creature on my behalf. Especially the one who so firmly holds me to this reality. Only to be my fastener for an allotted piece of time until it suits me no longer. Selfish? Yes, without question. Who can deny those in which they are attached? If only you could be a better person than I, than go. For my shortcomings are just that. Short, bitter, and neglected. She makes me big, pleasant, and nurtured. Getting all the credit where credit is most definitely due.The amount of time given to us to love one another is so limited and we take it for granted every day. And every day we are held back from our loved ones. Forced to keep them at arm’s length as if life isn’t cruel enough.  Longing to be with those you love and who love you most, abandoned by time as one is stuck in quicksand. Or so it seems.

Those who support and hold everyone else from descending into madness truly do not have a clue of the impact they have on our lives. They are not just passer-byers in a world that no longer wishes them to reside in, but behold the true meaning of the gift of life. I very much need this person just as much as I need air to breath.

There you have it. The irony of all ironies.

Life’s sustained by three elements not four. Air, water, and food. The torment of it is, life can move on without unconditional love. And I am just not ready for that.

English: Holy Family, Mary, Joseph, and child ...
English: Holy Family, Mary, Joseph, and child Jesus (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

5 Basic Rules for Goal Setting

by Shell DeToni, posted in Non-fiction
Picture I made for my goals article
Picture I made for my goals article (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Are you wandering aimlessly with odd and quirky plans of spending your  lottery winnings that you have yet to win? Is your mailing address the parents house? Does your mother still do your laundry even though you have graduated college ten years ago?

If you can relate to any of that, then sadly I have little power of intervention to motivate you off momma’s apron strings.

For those who are making a whole-hearted attempt at success, there is a good possibility that goal setting is what’s holding you back. There are five basic rules for setting goals and regardless what you may have tried to carry out, if you don’t have firm goals you have a greater chance at failure. Think of goals more like targets within your sight. Keep your eye on them and remind yourself of why you set them in the first place.

Mind Tools came up with this brilliant strategy to better accomplish such a task, http://www.mindtools.com/.

Rule #1: Set Goals that Motivate You

You need to make certain that the goals you set will hold your interest and are obtainable.

One goal a writer might have is posting on their blog three times a week. The goal itself is obtainable even if the writer is a full-time parent with a full-time job.

It’s important to keep in mind that you shouldn’t set yourself up for failure. Unobtainable goals such as, vowing to lose twenty pounds in a month, is setting yourself up for failure and leaving you with nothing but disappointment. Try to avoid this at all cost.

Rule #2: Set SMART Goals

Reachable goals are:

Specific – I want to lose weight by eating healthier and adapting a better life style.

Measurable – Twenty pounds.

Attainable – Better overall health.

Relevant – I want to feel better about myself and I wish to gain more stamina.

Time Bound – In six months.

This approach has a higher success rate than just going full throttle into a brick wall.

Rule #3: Set Goals in Writing

Write down goals to keep you focused. Visually seeing your goals will inspire you to honor those commitments and priorities in your life. You must have a positive way of thinking and use “I” and “will” statements.

I will learn about computer programming for the success of my business.

Rule #4: Have a Plan of Action

You can’t leap and hope you land right on the mark. You have to plan each step needed to reach your goals. We all want to triumph with little to no effort. Unfortunately this is not the case for the majority of us.

If your goal is to graduate college with a 3.5 or higher, then get some help from the university staff to keep on task. Set yourself up to carry out the objective and do not settle for anything less.

Rule #5: Stick With It

As a wise person once told me, “Always keep the end in mind.”

Visualize the victory and keep that image fresh to help you remember why you set your goals in the first place. Write those reasons down and keep them visual so you never lose focus and get a good support system. Do whatever it takes to succeed.

 Goal setting is not rocket science, but it can seem as difficult at times. Try to remember why you set goals to begin with. That way when you have a setback, it will be easier to move forward.

How to resolve conflict

by Shell DeToni, posted in Non-fiction

Is your day spent in complete chaos and are you up to your elbows in, well, work? You plug away doing your job while being forced into acting like a complete nincompoop giving in to ridiculous demands when all you really want to say is, “are you kidding me, in your dreams,” or “no freaking way.” Daydreaming of how incredibly awesome it would be to spew these derogatory remarks all over one person to the next. Okay, not really. Hopefully your mother raised you better than that and if not, maybe yoga/meditation class to find your happy place?

Honestly, loss of empathy for others can make for a miserable life. If you lose the ability to connect with others, you lose the ability to deal with the inconsistencies that inevitably occur. Maintaining composure and recovering quickly after a conflict can benefit not only your state of mind, it can benefit your health.

Resolving conflict is a skill that most people fail to learn. Most of us use past experiences and use the fight or flight approach in the heat of battle. However, once you gain theses skill sets you will use them as a constructive tool, vastly improving your relationships not only at work but your personal life as well.

At first a person may have to revert to a childlike state and use the greatest gift given to humanity; the gift of pretend. That’s right, pretend you are happy. Sounds too simple does it not? Putting a smile on that face of yours has been proven to improve your mood and wellbeing. After you master the art of pretend, the real work begins.

Life is full of conflict, but we do have choices:

1)      Own our reactions, or throw a temper tantrum.

2)      State your emotions, or leave them guessing why you’re upset.

3)      Take accountability for your feelings, or play the blame game.

Rules of engagement:

1)      One person speaks at a time, and speak only for yourself. (I feel, I think, I believe)

2)      Avoid implying you know how others feel. (You feel, You think, You believe)

3)      Communicate what is really bothering you.

4)      When interactions are no longer productive, take a break.

As you are trying to sort out your differences with someone, it’s important to remember that you must confirm what you think heard before reacting and be accountable for your own actions. Also, take a moment to notice how you are about to react. Just a few seconds will grant you the self-control to put off judgments that you would not normally make.

Of course there’s always that split second when the little devil on your shoulder gets the best of you and before you know it, your auto reacting. It’s often not a good thing to auto react as it usually escalates the conflict.

Even if you are the greatest people person of all time, there are those days that will send you over the proverbial edge and you will use that potty mouth of yours. And it’s okay that you did so, apologize and move on. Just don’t make a habit out of it.

Wait a minute…I need to put on my “Gosh I really care” face

by Shell DeToni, posted in Non-fiction

The stress of the holidays and family obligations can be downright brutal with all of the parties, shopping, work, and home responsibilities. Eventually something has to give and hopefully it’s not your sanity. All the chaos can make a person tense and hard to deal with putting a strain on anyone who interacts with them.

As hard as it may seem, forcing a smile and pretending you are happy can make the season easier to get through. According to a Harvard study, pretending you’re happier than you really are has positive benefits. Exhibiting pleasant emotions will grant others to react more favorably towards you and in turn may actually change your mood for the better. Besides, no one really wants to listen to you go on about how you were stuck in traffic for forty-five minutes, then spilt coffee on your favorite shirt, and hit your head getting into your car. We all have been there, and no one wants a play-by-play of your bad morning.

When someone approaches you and you are in a terrible mood, kindly smile and pretend that you are happy and listen to what they have to say. It’s possible that this person will help lighten your spirits and make your day a lot more pleasant. According to Psychology Today, smiling can actually improve your mind-set and inspire others to smile as well. I know that I appreciate it when someone smiles at me. It warms my heart and cools my temper when I’m not having a good day.  

Attempting to alter your state of mind to get you through the holidays can  have positive consequences. However, please do not get into the habit of suppressing negative feelings and anger as this can produce harmful effects. Habitually burying these feelings and avoiding them altogether can lead to serious health risks such as high blood pressure and heart disease. People with clinical depression should seek help and consider therapy with medication if your doctor deems it necessary.  Mental illness is not to something to mess around with and there is support for those in need.