Not even once; Jayne’s story

The story you are about to read is about real events that took place some years ago. The names have been changed for obvious reasons.

Jayne‘s story:

The excitement Jayne posses is so intense she can barely contain it. Things have been so rocky with John she honestly thought she’d have to use her escape plan, but today’s different. Today is a beautiful July afternoon and Jayne is spending the day at the pool with her sweet beautiful baby girl and her husband. Family time is very far, few, and in-between anymore and Jayne was going to make the best of it.

The three of them were having a great time without a care in the world. The sun is bright, the water is cool, and they’re playing as if life just doesn’t get any better than this. After about an hour of splashing about and giving nonstop piggyback rides to the toddler, Jayne decides to dry off and soak up some rays.

Distracted by her thoughts of the warm sun on her skin, she didn’t realize just how upset John was about the guy who has shown up and sat next to where she was going to rest and relax.  She should have known by the rude & vulgar comments he making. Shrugging, Jayne didn’t give it second thought because the sun is so inviting and warm she couldn’t wait to absorb the heat and warm up.

Lying on a towel placed on the hot concrete, she closes her eyes and smiles as she begins to daydream about the summer fun they were going to have. Then unexpectedly John is standing over her demanding that she gets her ass up, pack shit up, and head for home. Stupefied, Jayne asks why immediately regretting her decision to leave John’s side as she glanced up and saw that look in his eyes.

Like many times before, she knew that once they were home she was in for a punishment for God only knows what. As Jayne scrambles to gather everyone’s belongings, the all too familiar sick feeling sets in her stomach. Swallowing a whimper, Jayne begins to worry about how she’s going to calm him down this time since she doesn’t have a clue about what went wrong.

The walk home is terrifying as he is carrying the baby while Jayne carries everything else.  Worrying about what he intends to do once she walks in and closes that door she thinks, Please God, make John hold it together long enough to put her down and not hurt her.

Although Jayne is fearful for her daughter, she doesn’t dare make a scene. It becomes difficult to breathe with each step that gets closer to home, only able to take in air as John gently puts the toddler down and instructs her to go play outside. Relief immediately turns to dread as he faces Jayne with a demonic look on his face saying without uttering a single word, you’re going to get it.

Slamming his shoulder into her, John stomps up the stairs muttering something about bitches and whores. She holds one hand tight on her chest, the other over her mouth while squeezing her eyes shut trying to stop the scream. Afraid to even breathe, Jayne holds still as a statue hoping to become invisible and praying that he’s able to come back to reality and calm himself down. “Get your ass up here,” he yells from their bedroom upstairs. Shaken, she slowly starts up the stairs walking as if her feet were in quicksand.

In the bedroom he’s stretched out across the bed, with a smug look upon his face, and pats the spot next to him signaling her to lie down. She does as instructed and from the moment his hands touch her bile burns her throat. On the brink of hysteria, Jayne detaches herself from the situation and escapes to the confines of her imagination. It terrifies her when she cuts off her mind from her body. But some time ago she chose to deal with that fear instead of  dealing with the assaults as he has his way with her body.

Jayne’s concentrating so hard on shutting down her senses as she attempts to numb her body, every word John had just spoken fell on deaf ears. Suddenly she’s jerked back to reality as John grabs her by the back of the head screaming in her face with a handful of hair in his grasp, “So you DO want him!”

Confused about the sudden turn of events Jayne asks who he’s talking about. This sends John into a blind rage, feeling insulted and aggravated. He then flips Jayne off the bed all the while ranting, “You slut! I knew you got out and left us in that damn pool so you could flirt with him!”

After being thrown into the wall she got up off the floor to notice blood trickling down her arm.  Tying to steady the trembling in her voice, Jayne takes a couple of deep breaths and ask, “Why would I want to be with someone else and who are you talking about? What guy?”

Just then she remembers the comments John made about the guy at the pool. Shocked she looks up at John and realizes he’s standing there like a wild animal waiting to pounce. He examines every feature and every expression on her face until he perceives victory is on his side.

“But I….,” Jayne’s abruptly cut off when John grabs both of her shoulders slamming her into the wall with the full force of his body knocking the wind out of her. This is different, he’s never been this brutal before, Jayne thought as he picked her up and tossed her on the bed. Jayne screams, “no, no, no, God no!”

She begs him to stop, but the horror continues and she tries to free herself from his clutches. The more she screams and struggles the angrier John becomes. Holding her down with a hand on the front of her head, he slams his elbow hard into her face. Bells ring in her ears and the room blurs. John quickly jumps back with a surprised look upon his face saying, “Oh my God sweetheart, I am so sorry.” He genuinely was sorry and the man I married was suddenly there kneeling over me with sad eyes.

Confused about what had just happened, and surprised by John’s sudden change of personality as the contours of his face softened. Jayne tasted the blood in her mouth and immediately her senses came back as she realized he hit her in the face this time.  Sensing her reaction to the events that just unfolded, the person John had been a long time ago, vanished as the monster took over once again.

Grabbing a cup filled with water, he demanded Jayne to wash the blood off her face. Standing now with very wobbly legs she tried to push her way past him stating she had to use the bathroom. But John would not allow her out of the bedroom throwing the water on her face as he smashed his hand down on her mouth smearing the crimson liquid.

After trying to get by John again, Jayne’s pinned down on the bed only this time it was so she wouldn’t escape. Eventually she was able to wiggle out of his grasp. As she lunged for the door, John wrapped his arm around her throat cutting off her ability to breathe and to speak. Clawing at her throat, she attempts to pry his arm away to no avail.  Realizing this time he was going to kill her, Jayne began to bargain with God, Please do not let me die like this. My daughter cannot grow up knowing her father killed her mother, PLEASE!

As tears stream down her checks, Jayne’s lips start to tingle and a buzzing sound fills her ears. Honestly believing that this is the end, she frantically slaps at Johns arm in one last attempt to make him let go. To Jayne’s surprise John pushes her off the bed so hard she lands on floor with a loud thump. Gasping for air as she gets up on all fours, Jayne starts to vomit assuming it’s from all the blood she has swallowed.

“Get up off that floor and go clean yourself up,” said John in a low dangerous voice.  Not able to move, Jayne remains on the floor. Angered by the lack of response on Jayne’s part, John picked her up by the back of her neck, shoved her into the bathroom and began to throw more water on her face. Jayne just stood there allowing him to douse her until he’s satisfied,  “You look like shit. No one in their right mind is ever going to want you. Hell, I don’t even want you. I should have never left Susie to come back to you and this crap hole. She wouldn’t have dared treat me as bad as you do,” he said as he sat on the floor.

Jayne then saw an opportunity to leave and took it. She jumped the small fence in front of the house, ran to her daughter who was playing alone outside, and went to the nearest neighbor’s house. Jayne was taken to the hospital after the police, firemen, and medics left. Her injuries were not serious and she returned home early the next morning.

The journey Jayne began on that day was not an easy one. Court sessions, testimonies, divorce, and custody issues were a battle from the day her husband was released from jail. She was in therapy for two years but got through it all with the help of a lot people. The police officer who was first on the scene and the social worker in the ER gave her information, literature, and phone numbers to call for help about domestic violence.

No one should be subjected to the outright brutality a loved one can dish out. The message I want to convey is that there is a way out and there are people who will help you and your children escape. No matter how grim your situation is, no matter how long you have lived with this secret, and no matter what he has told you. THERE IS A WAY OUT!

If you or someone you know are a victim of domestic violence please, please, please get help. No one deserves to suffer abuse, not even once!

National Domestic Violence Hotline

–        Help in Your Area

–        Contact the Hotline

–        Am I Being Abused?

–        What is Domestic Violence?

–        Get Help

–        Helping a Friend

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